She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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