too bad you live with your parents still
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
