on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
