he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
