Nicole vs. Life
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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