OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I licked your asshole in confidence.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
