So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
