why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
