my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
