Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I need water and some morals
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
