Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
