I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
