I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
my shit smells like andre
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
