what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
