His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
