Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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