He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
