i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I smell stomach acid.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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