I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
