WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just blew my weed a kiss
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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