I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
did you just send me my own nude
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
