Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
