I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
