she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
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