he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
