so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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