btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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