don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
