God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
