I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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