WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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