She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
