i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
