Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
