i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
