Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
