I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
