He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
