Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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