kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
