Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
