i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
