i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Randomize
