There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
