do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
