I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
