Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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