Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
