It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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