Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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