Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
