:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
